Sifted Like Wheat

So tonight I was grieving over my latest battle with sin...again...and as I was pouring out my heart to Sylas I was reminded of something my precious Mom said last time I was in Liberty Hill. She said she was reading about Peter and about how after he denied Christ three times, Christ looked at him in the face and Peter went away and wept bitterly. She said when she read it, she thought of me. Now, while I haven't exactly publicly denied Christ, I have done so with my actions. No need for blatant confession on my blog. But what I DO want to do is give you a link to something I came across tonight that really gave me some perspective on my sin. I have really been in spiritual warfare like never before. I never knew the extent to which a believer could experience that until the last 2 months. Some of you know more details than others but it has been the roughest time of my life. Life has just been hard. No awful tragedies or anything, just sin and it's consequences and, I truly believe, Satan demanded to have me, that he might sift me like wheat. Here's what I read tonight:
http://www.worldinvisible.com/library/murray/absolutesurrender/abssur4.htm
It gave me incredible insight. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the Word of God and it's intense practicality and supernatural ability to show us ourselves in spite of our (my) limited understanding. I don't even know if that makes sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. God is so faithful. That seems like such an understatement. I sleep at the foot of the Cross every night and am in awe of His great love for His people that allows us to find rest there. I have so much to say, my heart is so full, but I must rest!! I took some pictures of the boys tonight and I will post them soon. They are an ever-present reminder to me of God's grace in my life.
As I close this I am reminded of the time when Jacob was four and sat perfectly still while an inexperienced nurse attempted to take his blood. He was a champ and I was in awe of his ability to trust the nurse and trust me. He knew he had to give blood so they could figure out what was wrong with him. They dug around in his tiny arm until they finally found a vein. It took 3 nurses to find it. Anyway, after we got in the car, I was basically speechless, but I managed to tell him that he made me intensely happy with his behavior. He said this "Mom, you know why I did that so good? Because I know I am loved by my God." So I sit STILL tonight knowing I'm loved by my God in the midst of suffering, knowing that it's purpose is greater than anything I could ever ask for or imagine. I trust that.